Forgiveness

A Course in Tranquility Lesson 9 of 14 – Forgiveness

According to the dictionary, the definition of forgiveness is, “to cease to blame or hold resentment against.” Resentment and the inability to forgive is a major obstacle to spiritual realization on multiple levels. It locks us in a pattern of anger, or despair. It bathes our bodies in stress hormones that tear down our immune system, damage our genetics, destroy our brain cells, and create conditions for heart disease. By not learning the proper way to forgive, we hold our attention on a pattern of negativity, and continue to define our self as a limited being, a victim of circumstance. To what noble end, do we do this? For what reason, do we torture our selves so?

Life on earth is precious. Here we have bodies that span the material, astral, causal and transcendent realms. On this world we have the marvelous capacity to neutralize karmas that span the breadth of our existence. To waste our lives in an energy pattern of accusation and spite, serves only to deplete our vitality, and wastes our life that could be better utilized in cleaning up our karma and strengthening the experience of love and harmony within our being.

It’s been said before that the greatest obstacle to tranquility and spiritual realization is sustaining a false sense of self. We can do this by identifying with our bodies, minds, history and personality. We can also do this by maintaining an inflated sense of self importance, meaning that there is something special about our specific incarnation. When we do this, we are affirming that we are separate from the wholeness of life. We can do this by maintaining low self esteem, affirming that there, again, is something so special with us, that we are to be mistreated and fail at everything we do. Both of these states result in a sense of separation. To maintain a feeling that you have been wronged, victimized, and mistreated, and to hold on to those feelings is a way of telling the universe that you don’t want to take responsibility for your states of consciousness and experiences in life. You are blaming a world “out there” for what happened to you.

Now it may be that you have been mistreated, or even injured and severely traumatized by another person or situation. And while you always have a choice, you may not have consciously known that at the time, and so the negative event occurred. As we grow in wisdom, we learn that no matter what happens to us, we can choose how we want to respond to that situation. We can say, “That terrible thing happened to me! I cannot forgive the other person for what they did to me!” And there is the potential that what we are really saying is, “I hated that situation. I am angry at my self for letting life move in such a way, that I allowed that to occur! I cannot forgive my self for my own choices that led to that situation.”

Bad things happen to good people.  Good things happen to bad people. There is seemingly no sense to it. But if you look beyond the immediate, external conditions of this life, we can consider that we have been embodied countless times. Even in this life time, we have played countless roles. Sometimes we have been angelic and kind.  Other times we have been angry and conceited and vicious. Sometimes our thoughts are pure and wholesome and loving. At other times, our thoughts are dark and malevolent. All of these thoughts, actions and chosen roles add up. There is a mixture of good and bad. Knowing that, we can see that there will be times when good seeds sprout up easily, and a time when thorny weeds of karma will sprout up in our garden.

To be tranquil is to make peace with this fact that we have been haphazardly tending our garden without much of a plan or forethought. To this end, the seeds that sprout are a combination of positive and negative experiences. They grow based on the appropriate season, weather conditions, and environment. Once we can accept this, then we can begin the process of analyzing our inner and outer circumstances, to get an idea of what is really deep down below our conscious mind (the dirt) and pay attention to what we are really growing.

We begin by being mindful in our daily life. We see our thoughts of anger sprout up and we decide to pluck them out of the dirt and to no longer water those thoughts. We see our selves as the victims of bad habits. We note this, and decide, that’s enough of that. Each time a bad habit arises we cut it down, and pull up the roots by no longer indulging in the habit. Each time a new shoot of negative habit pops through the earth, we grab it and throw it out. We watch our circumstances around us, and with dispassion we see the people in our lives and how they affect us. Those that make us feel bad and do not sustain our spirit peace, we remove from our garden, one by one. The thoughts situations that give rise to violence against our bodies and mind, are also to be weeded out.

We notice that good plants come up as well. The roses of friendship grow. The delicious apple trees of kindness and love, poke up through the dirt. The nectarine plant of financial good fortune force up through the weeds. Thoughts of discipline and service, struggle towards the sunshine. Feelings of joy and divine wholeness are hidden and scrawny beneath the vines of envy and vice. In our mindfulness, we clear away the obstacles to the growth of these divine aspects of our nature. We let these karmas grow until they bloom and are pollinated by the bee of optimism. Then when they go to seed, we purposefully plant more. We continue to weed out that which drags our souls through the mud, and plant those wondrous seeds that lift us into divine peace.

The key is to do this with dispassion, the state or quality of being unemotional or emotionally uninvolved. By that, I mean, that we do not freak out by all the weeds that we have in the garden, or all the work that it is going to take to clean it up. We see the job, we do the job, and we let the end result be what it will be. We do not stress over how few seeds of joy we have. We collect the seeds that we can, and day by day, we plant more. For each choice we make to be joyful and to avoid harmful circumstances and people, we are blessed with a new handful of beautiful seeds. All of this can take time, but the other option is to remain in your weed overgrown garden of negativity, limitation and restriction. Who knows, maybe the first weed that needs to be singled out is the weed of laziness and apathy? Make a priority list, and start with one negative tendency at a time. Eventually, you will find the list is empty, and now all you have to do is tend your flowers.

Note on letting go of past situations that were unpleasant:  No matter who or what did something bad to you, you can decide to do your best to not allow that situation to happen again. You were receptive to the situation for whatever reason. You don’t need to find out why, you need to decide to not make choices that lead back to that experience. You can decide that by the grace of God, or the cosmic power within you, that you are no longer receptive to that situation. The more you affirm that, you will find that you more often make choices that do not lead down the dark road of your past. So you see, there is no reason to blame anyone or anything for what happened to you, because the past cannot be changed anyway. But you can reclaim your divine right to choose, and make sure that you are willing to avoid such circumstances in the future.

Our Ancestral Influence on the Power of Forgiveness

When we were children and developing our sense of self, we took pride in being somebody. It was a joyous time of coming into manifestation, building up a personality, and exploring our talents and interests. The seeds of our past karmas were beginning to sprout in the Spring of life. Yet, many of us found that our personality was being incubated in an unsupportive environment. Rather than the roses of love and grace, it was the weeds of egotism and self-centeredness that were cultivated.

For every success, we were met with expectations that were unreasonable. We heard our caretakers criticizing us, or reacting to our curiosity out of fear. We watched our parents, take pride in the negative side of life. “Can you believe what ‘so and so’ did to me,” they would say, thereby demonstrating that our ego, and our sense of importance was based on the imagined insolence of other people. As time went by, we also began to adopt this method of defining our sense of self.

Suffering from resentment, requires the following equation:

(A lack of responsibility for the circumstances in which we find our selves)

+

(An inflated sense of importance)

–

(The wisdom that the world presents to us what we present to it)

=

(The need for forgiveness)

Variable 1 – A lack of responsibility and how to address it

When I was younger, I had this weird idea. When I would hear about a person’s problems or difficult circumstances, I found myself often thinking, and to the displeasure of those around me saying out loud, “Well, they must enjoy it. Otherwise, why would they continue to experience it.” Now, that seemed a little odd coming out of the mouth of a kid in junior high school. And it was comments like that, that consistently prompted my grandmother to say I needed an attitude adjustment. However, it’s now twenty some years later, and I am still sticking by that assertion.

Now, at the time, that comment was coming from my feeling that if something was unpleasant, I was going to do whatever it took to get away from that unpleasantness. And I couldn’t understand why others didn’t follow that same logic. That makes sense to just about anyone, right? However, as the years went by I started to notice that I possessed a strange aberration that was great for spiritual growth but not so accepted by the majority of society. This was a lack of attachment.

As we grow up we are surrounded by people. These are family, friends, etc. Our minds get used to their familiarity. We let down our guard and feel safe, even if their company isn’t really that supportive. We are lulled into a trance like state. Even if the people around us, belittle us, support negative habits, perpetuate moods, or prevent us from attaining our highest goals, we don’t mind, because we are comfortable. This is not really a problem unless you deny the truth of the situation.

What do I mean by “deny the truth of the situation”? Well, if you are where you are in life, and you are saying things like:

“I can’t ever be happy.”

“It’s impossible to get healthy.”

“The world is an unsafe place.”

“Who do I think I am, thinking I can know the reality of God.”

“I’ll never find a relationship where I am loved and respected.”

“There is no basis to the assertion that we live in a supportive universe.”

And let’s imagine that you say, “I can’t ever be happy,” because you subject your self to friends that wallow in their grief, talk about one depressing life episode after another, etc, yet you make no effort to tell them to be quiet or find new friends…

Or imagine that you say, “It’s impossible to get healthy,” because everyone you socialize with either watches TV, drinks too much, smokes too much, and never once has the idea to go exercise or play an active sport…

Or let’s imagine you say, “The world is an unsafe place,” because you are attached to people that gossip about the latest terror attack, or shooting in a city 500 miles away, and don’t have any motivation to lift your self out of that kind of company…

Maybe you say, “Who do I think I am, thinking I can know the reality of God,” or “There is no basis to the assertion that we live in a supportive universe,” because everyone around you is too focused on their human frailties, rather than accepting a higher possibility, and you just love them all so much, you can’t bear to find company that is less stuck in that mode of thinking…

Or maybe you say, “I’ll never find a relationship where I am loved and respected” and you come home every night to a partner who belittles you, and insults you in front of the kids, or criticizes your dreams, yet you made a commitment to them 8 years ago, and by God you are going to see that commitment to the end…

These are all direct examples of denying the truth of a situation. The real truth is that you are attached to circumstances that don’t support you, and you don’t have the motivation to make a change. This is understandable. 99% of the planet lives like this. So it’s not really a problem, unless you truly do want to be happy, tranquil and spiritually aware.

Sounds a little harsh, yet it is the way it works.

Jesus said, “Whoever comes to me and does not give up father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and even life itself, cannot be my disciple.” (Luke 14:26) “None of you can become my disciple if you do not give up all your possessions.” (Luke 14:32)

At the initiation into a spiritual tradition, an initiate is asked to bring a fruit, a flower and a modest donation. The fruit is to represent giving up the fruits of our actions. The flower represents our devotion to the path. The monetary donation represents putting all of our resources at the service of the Guru. This is not to make the Guru rich, but to symbolically indicate that we are willing to give up everything for that which we seek, remembrance of our oneness in divinity.

Lahiri Mahasaya, was known to have asked a disciple before initiation, if the disciple would give Lahiri all of his money, his possessions, his family and his wife. Now Lahiri didn’t want these things for himself. He was asking only to find out the extent of the disciples sincerity.

In a story from Autobiography of a Yogi, a man had scaled the Himalayas in search of the master Babaji. When he finally came to Babaji’s camp he asked to be Babaji’s disciple. Babaji refused and the man threatened to throw himself over the edge of the cliff if he was not accepted. Babaji said, “Then jump.” The man tossed himself off the cliff, killing himself. Babaji, asked his disciples to go get the man and bring his body back. Babaji brought the man back to life, and then accepted him as a disciple.

As you can see, in all of these situations, we must be honest about our intentions. If we want to go all the way, then we do what is necessary. We give up our attachments and move forward. If we don’t, we need to be honest and say, “Yes, I’ll do a little, but I am happy in this normal human state. Don’t expect too much of me, and I won’t either.”

If you can be firm in your decision to go all the way, or be honest about what you are willing to do, you won’t have to put your self through mental or psychological agony, because you are being self honest about what you will and will not do, and that you are willing to accept the consequences.

What does this have to do with forgiveness? Let me get through a description of the other variables, and then we’ll tie it all together. Thanks for your patience.

Variable 2 – An inflated sense of self-importance

By thinking that you are so special, that people mistreated you, just because they “had it in for you” specifically, is a great way to keep on inflated sense of self importance. If you think that way, then you are going to find reasons in your environment and in the people around you to continue to generate situations that support that notion. Believe it or not, most people mistreat other people because they are unclear about the meaning of their own lives. They do not yet understand or remember, that what they do to another a person they are doing to God and their very selves. They have been hypnotized to think that if they can do something to dominate or injure another, that they will know true power. They are misguided, partially because they were not shown another way in this world. If you accept their authority and allow them to scar you for life, you are supporting their own inflated sense of self importance. You continue the problem, and prevent the world from waking up. You sustain your own inflated sense of self importance as a victim, and sustain their sense of self importance as the perpetrator. Why do you think Jesus said:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.”

He said it because this neutralizes the false sense of self and separateness of all parties involved. This is the work that we are working towards, not our own tranquility and love, but a universal tranquility and love. If no one else showed the perpetrators in your life how to love and be kind, then it is your job.

Now obviously, this doesn’t mean to seek out situations where this will occur. But if they have already occurred, or are currently occurring, you can love and bless those around you, then move on and choose different circumstances. The inflated sense of self importance is then neutralized, because you no longer invest your precious divine life on this earth in feelings of resentment, anger or revenge.

Oh, and by the way, in the situation you feel you need to forgive, it’s pretty safe to say, that even if you weren’t there to be on the receiving end, someone else would’ve been. People who like to harm others, have a way of finding receptive outlets, and it doesn’t seem to matter very much who it is.

Variable 3 – The World Gives Us, What We Give It

One of the prime mistakes spiritual aspirants make in this life, is that they think if they meditate and pray daily, yet do not tend their mental and emotional garden, that everything works out just fine. They then wonder why life doesn’t improve very much, or at least as much as it has for the spiritual masters they look up to. We’ve already discussed the garden metaphor, but it is worth revisiting.

As you go through your day, you need to pay attention to the thoughts that go through your head, and the emotions you habitually feel. As you fall asleep at night, watch the thoughts that go through your mind. They are a clear indicator of what station your dial is turned to, and what you can expect your life ahead to be like.

After you notice the habitual thoughts you think, feelings you feel and expectations and beliefs about life, you need to make a conscious effort to choose new thoughts and feelings and expectations. Does this take vigilance and work? Yes, it does. Is some savior going to come out of the sky or appear in a vision and do this for you? No. All truthful spiritual teachers admit that they are there to point a seeker in the proper direction or to be a good example, yet they are not there to do the work for the student.

A good health coach, can empower you with positive thoughts and push you to see just what you are really capable of, but they can’t force you to eat healthy food, or lift heavy weights. You have to do that your self. The company of supportive people carries you a long way, but for lasting results you have to do the work your self, so then you can move into that role of being the support for others. By admitting that there are supportive people in the world, and that you are one of them, you attract supportive people.

You Don’t Need Forgiveness

If you affirm that you need to be more forgiving, or that you need to develop forgiveness, what you are saying to the Universe is: “Hello Universe, would you please send me some reasons that will empower my decision that I have to work on being more forgiving?”

What you need, is to admit that you have more control over your life situation than you let on. What you need is to say:

“I’ve made some choices, that one way or the other led me to experience these negative circumstances.  Maybe I know what those choices are and maybe I don’t. And if I don’t, I’m just going to say ‘it must be a past life karma’. But whatever the reason, I’m done with it. I am going to do my utmost best to avoid thoughts, feelings, people and places that rekindle my desire to put my self in a difficult situation.

If I screw up every now and again, fine. I’m still not going to blame the other person. I’m going to reassess what I could have done differently, and do it.

If there is nothing I can do, I’m going to be thankful that at least I was here to bear the brunt of this situation so someone else didn’t, then I’m going to give it up to God, so no one else has to hear about or deal with it.”

(Note: if you need counseling to deal with a situation, there is nothing wrong with that. Just don’t turn it into a hobby.”

Love

Once you have this under control, then you need to practice love. Love transforms all that it touches. In a state of love, there is safety and peace, and an openness to change. Why do you think Gandhi chose the path of non violence? It was through transforming violence with love, that the world was changed.

Aggression, difficulty, anger, violence, perversity and jealousy, are all manifestations of a frustrated life. When there is no outlet or no sense of possibility of being heard, understood or loved, these negative expressions of God manifest. In a state of love, all is accepted and heard. The energy of the negative expression unwinds its self. Every time negativity is met by love, the unwinding continues. One day, there will be nothing left to unwind. We will know our blissful tranquil state, all of us will. But in the meantime, we have to create that state within our selves. For every person that undertakes this task, it becomes easier for the current and future generations to open up to the possibility of love and being.

Of course, remember, that love can take many manifestations. We are not talking about “idiot love”, or being someone’s door mat. Wisdom is strong and decisive, while also being surrendered and compassionate. You can love another person, yet be clear that you don’t take any crap from them. That is love, because it shows strength, and it also shows love for the individualized self (you) which is equally an expression of the divine.  Some times you have to tell another person to “knock it off” or you need to restrain them from violence, or give them an ultimatum. As long as it is done without attachment, smugness or enjoyment, then it is still love.

Sincerely, Ryan Kurczak 2010

Love and Relationships

A Course in Tranquility – Lesson 2 of 14 – Love and Relationships

Swami Sri Yukteswar, a towering spiritual figure from India, once said, “ordinary
love is selfish, darkly rooted in desires and satisfactions. Divine love is without condition,
without boundary, without change. The flux of the human heart is gone forever at the
transfixing touch of pure love.” How many of us can love like that? How many want to?
Only a handful.

To love in this way requires a strong and decisive act of will to ignore the
culturally ingrained ideas and adolescent attitudes most of us have about what love is
meant to be like. To love in this way requires total immersion in our divine presence that
is tranquil in all circumstances, and sees everyone equally as a unique expression of the
one infinite consciousness.

Think of all the stories of romance, of heroes overcoming great odds to be with
the beloved, of how a person’s life was perfected the moment they found that special
someone. Those are stories and fantasy, and we want to be in reality as much as possible,
right? If course we do. Only there will we find perfect peace and real love.
This leads to step one of this weeks lesson. Get it out of your head that there is a
special someone, or that your life would be different if only your family or friends would
change, or that things would be so much better if your lover finally became the person
you always expected him or her to be.

In my astrological practice I am often asked about relationships. When will it get
better? Should I leave my husband? Is there someone better out there for me? Why do
my friends always drag me down? How can I ever forgive her for cheating on me? It goes
on. Remember that your astrological chart (and we all have one) reflects your individual
karma. Unless you have exhausted a karma, if you leave or change a relationship, without
changing you, that pattern will continue to express in whatever new relationships you
find.

To exhaust your relationship karma a decision is made. Decide that you have had
enough of the relationship experiences you have been attracting. Really mean it! No
longer will you put your happiness in the hands of ‘other’ people, by having expectations
of what they should be like, and then being disappointed when they simply act how they
are. To exhaust your karma in relationships first requires that you take the time to pay
attention to how people really are, to love and bless them in all their actions, and then to
intentionally decide if you really want to be a part of all that a relationship with said
person entails.

Exercise #1
Step 1 – When going into an interaction with anyone, remember that most people
are on autopilot 95% of the time. There actions are based on conditioning, how they’ve
been raised, how they choose to see the world, and their motives in life, most of which
they are not even aware.
Step 2 – Practice bringing conscious awareness into your relationships,
specifically the ones you would like to change. To do this, remember your past
encounters with the person you are about to interact with. How did they make you feel?
Bad? Guilty? Shameful? Worthless? Stupid? Anxious? Fearful? What did they do or say
to make you feel that way? What language did they use? How did they catch you off
guard? What did they talk about? Etc.
Pay attention to their patterns of interaction. Remember those patterns before you
go into the interaction, either in person or on the phone. Then watch and wait for those
patterns to repeat, and how they make you feel the way you always do, like clockwork,
when you are interacting with this person.
Step 3 – Don’t judge these people. You do it too! The point of all this is to bring
you in line with reality, so you can see, that the way people act towards you is nothing
personal. They are on autopilot, and you happen to be receptive to their programming.
Your karma matches up. It’s as much your fault as it is theirs.
Step 4 – Don’t try to change them. You will only frustrate your self. Admit the
truth of their being and love them. Decide if you really want to continue playing this
game with them. If so, fine. If not, don’t engage the program. It’s up to you!
The more skillful you become with this exercise, the more comical it will become.

You will no longer be triggered, and it becomes a game. “How are they going to try and
trigger me this time,” you will ask. Most of the time you will catch it, before it happens,
before they do their usual spiel that will make you feel un-tranquil. As you continue the
relationship they will unconsciously learn that they no longer have an effect on you.
Then you will relax, thinking you have it mastered, and BAM, somehow they found
another way to nail you, out of left field. You won’t take it so personally, unless it’s
terribly cruel, and you will chuckle to your self. They got you that time!

But this is not about wasting your time playing games with people. It is about
seeing the truth of the quality of the relationship. It is about inspiring you to see
“realistically” where you are in life in regards to relationships. This creates the ground
work, the foundation, for you to begin the process of change, of attracting what you do
want out of your interactions with people.

In a book called, “The Cosmic Power Within” by Dr. Joseph Murphy, he speaks
of tapping into our Cosmic Power, our divine essence, to create the life we want. The
exercise below, based on Dr. Murphy’s work, if you used persistently, will give the
results you would like to see. The cosmic power within is based on your ability to ‘see’
and ‘feel’ a different result, and then to allow the infinite consciousness (the totality of
your being) to bring the opportunities into your life to allow the different state to express.

Remember, this is not about deserving, it is simply about deciding. If you have
“deserving” issues, it is only because you have decided to have an excuse not to live
freely in this world, or to access the creative power of your spirit. You are strong! You
are wonderful! You are able to generate any life experience you want with enough Self effort.

You may have just been listening to the wrong people. Tune in to those who
support this knowledge, and you will be supported.

Exercise #2
Step 1 – Choose a relationship you would like to see improved in some way.
Take out a sheet of paper and write down specifically the improvement you’d like to see
and why you’d like to see it. There needs to be a tangible reason to empower this process.
This reason is of your own choosing. Don’t base it on society or what others tell you is a
good reason. You are learning to become Self-directed.
Step 2 – Imagine how it would feel if that relationship were already perfect. What
kinds of emotions would you have around this person? What would the quality of your
interactions be like? Write down your ideal feeling state. Put your piece of paper
somewhere safe, for you to review or edit as necessary.
Step 3 – Once or twice a day, spend five minutes feeling the state you decided on
in step 2. Even if it is hard, or you have a hard time getting in touch with feelings, do it
anyway. It will be good practice.
Step 4 – Since this will have to do with a particular relationships, you need to
associate those feelings with the relationship. Let’s take a wife for example. When you
are feeling that state, say to your self, “I feel [Insert Emotional State] when I am around
my wife.” And then do what ever it takes to make your self feel this deeply. Do not see
your wife specifically. Think of ‘wife’ almost like a general term or an archetype.
Now why are we using the archetype for wife? Because we are not black
magicians and we are not trying to manipulate a specific person. What we are doing is
changing the “wife” pattern within us. Once that pattern changes, the external world will
follow. Either you will see that the wife ‘out there’ was that way all along, or she will feel
inspired to change, or she will like who she is, and move on to someone who appreciates
her particular patterns of being. Either way, you will get what you want.
Step 5 – Repeat this process every day, until you have sculpted your inner reality
as perfectly as you like. Also, note, you are only doing this for five minutes once or twice
a day. Once it is done for the day, stop. Quit thinking about it. Don’t dwell. Just move on
with your day. There is no need to get your conscious mind obsessed with this practice.
This process can be applied to spouses, friends, brothers, sisters, coworkers,
bosses, mothers, fathers, etc.

Now back to divine love…

When you look back on your life I am sure it is filled with a mixture of pleasant
and unpleasant memories. There were times when you felt great love, anger, peace,
hatred, laughter, resentment, joy and grief. There were times when people treated you in
ways that exceeded your expectations and other times when you wished people treated
you better. You may have often wondered at why people did what they did, what their
motivation was to be so kind or so despicable.

As I was meditating a ways back a flood of memories pushed up from my
subconscious. I remembered all kinds of interactions with people and the corresponding
feelings from those moments past. A whirl of emotions ran through me. After they passed
a realization dawned. Every experience I have had, no matter if I labeled it good or bad,
was an act of love.

How can this be?! You might ask your self. I understand that all the good things
I’ve experienced are an act of love, but how can the bad be love too? You might say. If
you take the time to observe the interactions you have with people you might notice one
familiar component. Almost everyone you interact with is gaining your attention or
giving you attention.

How they do that is an individual preference based on how they were raised,
taught to behave, and a little of their own experimentation in the process. Maybe they
buy you flowers, clean the house before you get home, hit you, call you names, flatter
you, give you a massage, cook you dinner, or undermine your confidence. Some are
easier to digest, and some are perverted actions of the initial impulse. Many people are
unconscious and do the nice things out of compulsion or fear because they don’t want to
lose you. Others act in menacing ways because they don’t know any better. The point is,
in any interaction there is an exchange of attention. It is attention that is love.

Many years ago I discovered that no matter what healing protocol I chose from,
the force that empowered all healing was attention (consciousness, God). The clearer my attention (Clarity of God’s Presence), the less of
an agenda I had to disrupt my attention, the more authentic was the healing experience.
The same holds true in all human interactions. The clearer and less distracted your
attention is on the person in which you are interacting, the greater the love that is
generated.

When you decide to give someone attention with conditions, you are giving
conditional love, which may be helpful when certain conditions are met. You say, “I will
give you love when you stop nagging me, or when you learn to appreciate how I’m
different than you!” Then you wait for the love to be returned and they do the same,
providing the same conditions. Really, if you are nagging a person to stop nagging you so
that you can give them love, its the same thing.

They nag you because they want you to be different, because their mind impels
them to think your life would be better if you were different. That’s love. Why? Because
the motivation behind it is your highest in best (as they see it). You hope they will be
different because you really would like to spend some “quality time” (by your standards)
with them without all the stress. That’s love too.

Now back to my point. It may not be that people will give you love the way you
want it, but they will give you love the way they know how. It may not be pleasant, but it
is still love nonetheless. In unpleasant situations you don’t always have to accept the
conditional love you are being given. You can remove your self from the situation, and
that is sometimes necessary and beneficial. However, if you decide to love without
condition, which also means without expectations, you may catch a glimpse of real love
at work within your relationships. (However, be sure not subject your self to abuse in the name of Love. You have to Love your self to.)

By expectations I mean that you do not expect the people in your life to be any
different than they have proven to be in the past. When you can love them as they are,
you in turn will set the example to be loved as you are. You will bring into the
relationship a dynamic they have never experienced before: peace, acceptance, and no
standards (unspoken or not) to live up to.

All of this begins with you and no one else. It is your responsibility, whether you
want it or not. When you claim it for your self, you will find the strength of love in your
life that you have been looking for all this time.

Love and Tranquility – The Holy Life

“The Virture of Love, the Heart’s natural love, is the principal requisite to attain
a holy life. When this love, the heavenly gift of nature, appears in the heart, it removes
all causes of excitation from the system and cools it down to a perfectly normal state; and,
invigorating the vital powers, expels all foreign matters- the germs of diseases-by natural
ways (perspiration and so forth). It thereby makes man perfectly healthy in body and
mind, and enables him to understand properly the guidance of nature. When this love becomes developed in man it makes him able to understand the real position of his own Self as well as of others surrounding him.” –Sri Yukteswar

Being in a state of love, bliss and ease, was not easy for me. Students that attend
my classes are often amazed to hear that during the first portion of life, I was irritable,
pessimistic, often unpleasant, unhappy, angry, and had a cruel streak. Smiling genuinely
and being pleasant was a foreign state for me to experience. Why, because I didn’t have
much practice in existing in a state of love and peace. Much of how I interacted with the
world was either out of fear or domination.

It took me a number of years to learn to feel love and be in a state of love.
Meditation made it much easier, because it allowed me to see the patterns and choices I
had made which contributed to this state of affairs. By an act of will and conscious effort
I had to make my self feel love and be love.

I had no reason to make this choice. Being trapped in the mind, and my little
sense of self that was created out of unconscious desires and cravings, it was insane to
even think it was safe to love and be loved. It made no sense. I did it anyway, because an
urge within me indicated that it was possible to be different, and that if I could be
different, reality would change accordingly.

Slowly, as the years rolled by, my persona changed. I learned to be at ease. For
the most part, I learned not to sweat all the fearful ideas the normal human condition likes
to entertain. I learned to trust in the goodness of the world, and the wholeness of life. The
more I surrendered into the process the easier it became to smile from a place of real
warmth. I learned that if I wanted to be in a state of love, I had to cut out relationships
that were fear/domination based, and seek out relationships that were easy and supportive.

Twelve years after I graduated from high school and ten years into my practice of
meditation and the techniques taught in these lessons, I met with a girl I went to school
with. We hadn’t seen each other in that time. As we sat having tea at a bookstore, half
way through the conversation, she asked if there was something wrong with me. She said,
she had never seen me smile so much, and that I appeared totally different than the angst
ridden person she had known previously. I didn’t really notice how major the change was
until she pointed it out.

Sometimes changes can occur and we are not aware of it, because we are always
with our selves. It is just like aging. One day you look in the mirror after seeing a picture
of your self twenty years earlier and you notice the difference. Since you see your self in
the mirror every day, you don’t notice how age has progressed until you have a point of
reference to compare it to. I’m telling you this, because I want you to take time with your
self. Unless you have a spontaneous enlightenment experience, your changes will be
gradual. If you are not used to feeling love or being love, it will take time. Be patient and
let it unfold. Stay steady with the intention, and it will occur.

Here is an exercise I use daily. It has contributed greatly to expanding my mind
and consciousness to encourage the experience of personal, divine and cosmic love in my
life.

Exercise #3
Step 1 – After your regular meditation practice, remember a time you felt
completely content, when all was good and right in the world. Remember a time you felt
fulfilled and in perfect love. You can use a past memory to bring up this state.
Step 2 – Imagine that you are feeling that state for no reason at all. That is just the
current state of the Universe that you happen to be in. Intensify the feeling if you can. If
you are not used to feeling, practice will increase your skill.
Step 3 – With your eyes closed, imagine that feeling of love radiating beyond
your body and through the universe to every person, place, animal, and thing in existence.
Feel as though you are a beacon of light and this feeling is permeating all aspects of
creation. Hold that feeling and imagination for as long as possible.
Step 4 – When you can no longer maintain this visualization/feeling, let it go. Just
drop it. Say a prayer of thanks for the opportunity to be in love. Then go about your day.
Do this every day, and treat it like exercise. The radiance of your love is to be
unconditional. Send it to all beings, whether you feel they are deserving or not. Do not try
to change anyone or anything through this love. Just radiate it freely, as freely as the sun
shines on all people without concern of their personality or deeds.
You may find you have a hard time doing this, or that you can only maintain this
state for only a second. Remember, it is exercise. You will get stronger in love every day
you do it. Soon you will be able to sit for five, ten, twenty minutes, or even an hour in a
state of love. Then you will know real service to the world, and your life will change
accordingly.

This simple exercise is not to be overlooked. I have meditated many times,
contemplating, “What is the source of life?” “What is the meaning of all of this?” “What
is the point?” Every single time, as my mind became silent and I was open to hear the
answer, it was always this, “Love.” I then knew through direct experience, that the words
written earlier in this lesson from Swami Sri Yukteswar were absolutely correct.

Lesson 2 Homework
#1) Practice Exercise #1 every day for two weeks. Pick one person in your life to focus
on each day, and do your best to practice exercise #1 in this lesson. Don’t tell them what
you are doing. Just do it and watch what happens.
#2) Practice Exercise #3 every day for two weeks, after your regular meditation routine.
Take note of any resistance to the practice, journal about it if possible. See the resistance
as an opportunity to be aware of the changes that are occurring within you. Muscles get
sore after working out if they haven’t been used very much. Your consciousness may get
a little sore by flexing your “love” muscles. Don’t stop! Keep going until it feels
good, all the time.

Sincerely, Ryan Kurczak 2010

Revealing Your Spiritual Depth

The following video was recorded at Center for Spiritual Awareness of Asheville on June 12th, 2011, at the 9 AM “Inspiration and Meditation” Session.

It has been edited down to fit on youtube.

Topics include, “Using your will, while loving God”, “How to feed your consciousness”, “Ways to go deeper into meditation”, & “Paying attention to what is eternal, versus the non eternal.”

Your comments are welcome.

Learning to Be In Truth

I was recently asked a pertinent question through email, one I’ve pondered and explored on many occasions. Being human, I think it a natural question and one that might be worth considering for more people than just myself and the questioner. Your thoughts and contemplations are welcome in this discussion. Use the “comment” option at the bottom of this post to participate.

Question: I want to be fully established in Truth.  What can I do now to aid in that reality?

Response: There are a few levels to consider.

By consistent and intentional meditation practice we learn to calm our minds and our emotions. We learn that we are not our personality, and we learn to exist in peace, for the sake of existing in peace. Our meditation is charged by our intention. By meditating, practicing our techniques, with devotion to cleaning off the mirror that reflects our true Self, then each practice draws us closer to the pure reflection.

Once we can sit calmly, internalized, then we direct our attention to Truth.  Truth is eternal.  It is not based on the transient world of form,

Learning to Know What You Are Through All Changing Phenomena is Key

although there can be relative truths there.  We ask, “what am I?” as though we really want to know. Then we wait for a response.  The mind may throw up ideas, such as, you are a yoga teacher, or a daughter, or this body, a spiritual person, or an angry person, or someone who is depressed. When these arise, you know you are not them, because you can be aware of them as an object, and you are not an object. So youcontinue, and maybe you experience bliss and joy.  Again, this is an experience, and if you can experience it, it is an object, and it has come into your awareness, and so can leave your awareness, therefore not eternal, and not you.

Eventually, there comes a point when no more answers come forth from the mind, only a knowing that you exist. This may last for a brief instant or a long time. Now, this existence actually is beyond time and space, so it becomes tricky, because you might say, well that experience has come and gone, so therefore is not real. However, that existence has been there before you were born, during your life, in sleep, and in dreams, and will persist. The lack of stability is not stemming from unreality, but comes from a lack of ability to hold attention on this reality.  Practice is required, and with all things, the more we practice with intention and enthusiasm, the greater our ability becomes, until it becomes natural and effortless, and we regain our ‘natural’ state.

In daily life, we move into the witnessing space. Life unfolds based on our past choices, thoughts and actions. As the witness, we can acknowledge the expression of our past choices, and we can choose in the present to let those choices exhaust themselves, or put energy towards another experience. As the witness, we know we are not that which we see “out there”, and we are free to act as best we can given the circumstances.

By remaining the witness, when circumstances occur we ask, “is this me?” Say a negative experience arises, or someone treats us in a way that was not called for based on our behavior. We ask, “is this me?” Waiting for the answer, we either have it revealed to us, that yes we did act in such a way to bring about that experience, or we realize, “no.” this is something unconscious in the other person playing out.  Then we release it, let it exhaust itself.  In doing this, you loosen your attachment to having such experiences, and the other persons need to provide such experience weakens as well.  The more this happens, the easier it is to move into the state of timeless existence as mentioned above, because you note that much of what you thought was so important, wasn’t really you after all!

We endeavor to be as honest as possible, about what we want in life, about our intentions with people, and about our intentions with our self, and also about the inspiration that comes through us.

There is that which continues even through sleep, which is you, which transcends the personality.

Being born human, with a body, mind, history, personality and family pattern, we may not have had the proper role models to show us the merit in honesty, both with our selves, other people, and the divine. And it is hard in the beginning. But it doesn’t have to be. The more we know what we are and can be that, the easier it is to know and be truth. So the above practices allow this to happen naturally, although it may take time. By doing our best to be honest on all levels, even when we fail, as long as we are honest that we failed for whatever reason, it is still carrying us towards that embodiment.  Patience is necessary. But we must be honest about doing our best. Being established in truth requires the earnestness and intention to be held in the minds eye.  The expression of consciousness follows the minds eye. It may have to pass through some muddy transformation to get there, but it can also happen effortlessly and beautifully, depending on how we see it in our minds eye.

I want to be fully established in Truth.  What can I do to aid in that reality?

1) Meditate daily and deeply to a state of calm connectedness, then directing your attention to the heart, the spiritual eye, or the crown of the head, ask “What am I? What am I that has existed through out all time and space?”  Once you simply know “I AM”. Then hold your awareness as pure existence for as long as you can each day.

2) As you live each day, remain as the witness, in loving, working, eating, playing, striving. Ask, “Is this me?” Until you can love, work, eat, play, and strive, knowing what you are as being the “space” in which all these activities occur.

3) Acknowledge your human embodiment. Admit where you are in your development. Then note what you need to change in your mind, heart, and consciousness to accept the truth of your nature, and how your actions can align with this truth and no longer contradict your truth. Take one step at a time, picking your self up when you fall, ignoring the jeers of others (or even your mind) pointing out how you’ve failed and can’t experience that truth because of all the mistakes you made in the past, then keep walking, taking actions that do not contradict the embodiment of truth, until you are strong, and are moving forward like a juggernaut until you break down the wall, that has kept you blind to the truth of your nature, which has never wavered, even when you weren’t paying attention.

4) Relax and have fun. See your self in all life, and all life in you. Walk in nature, be with enjoyable supportive people, Be with those You Love in person or in spirit,  serve people who could benefit from your skills, and be creative and choose happiness.

Love,

Ryan Kurczak

Oneness in the Divine

Ramana Maharshi - Great Sage from the early 19th Century

“Because you are in variety, you say you understand unity — that you have flashes, etc., remember things, etc.; you consider this variety to be real. On the other hand Unity is the reality, and the variety is false. The variety must go before unity reveals itself — its reality. It is always real. It does not send flashes of its being in this false variety. On the contrary, this variety obstructs the truth.” -Ramana Maharshi

The quote from Ramana Maharshi, summarizes one of the prime difficulties a spiritual aspirant faces as they move more fully into their pure conscious, tranquil nature — the false idea that we exist as separate and varied beings, and are trying to re-experience our unity with the wholeness of life.

The devotee says, “I am experiencing separateness from God and the divine consciousness. I want to know Unity consciousness. I want to know my pure blissful nature. When I meditate I have flashes of insight into oneness and peace, but then I re-experience this sense of separateness.”
The Great Sage responds, “Unity consciousness does not send flashes of its being into this false variety. The Unity is always there, the reality. Yet the waves of our concept of variety washes over it, and so we only see the Unity, when the waves recede.

It is the concept of variety and separateness that obstructs the truth of unity. When we can see through the concept of variety, unity will reveal itself clearly.”

Keep in mind, this is only my conjecture of how this conversation could be stretched out. But the point of all this, is that, typically we say we are separate from the divine infinite consciousness, and on those days when we have a really great meditation or an extremely satisfying stress free day, that we catch a glimpse of unity consciousness and peace. When we say we are longing for unity, we are affirming a duality and separateness. Unity, duality, separateness, these are all just words. They have no corresponding reality. Imagine what would happen if you dropped these concepts. If there is no Unity, then there is no duality. If there is no longing to be reunited in God, then there is no separateness from God. It is the words and concepts we used that keep us from experiencing reality, as it is, right now.

Exercise 1 – Accept The Reality of Unity Right Now

1) When you next meditate, avoid any thoughts or the entertainment of any notions that you are doing this to become closer to God.  Of course the thoughts and notions will arise. Just ignore them. A good friend once told me, “Just because someone tells you something, doesn’t mean you have to believe it.” The same goes for your thoughts. Just because they show you possibilities and ideas, doesn’t mean you have to listen to them or even buy their product.

2) Use your meditation technique, because you know it is going to calm your mind and emotions and settle down the waves that make you think and feel you are separate from the wholeness of life. Do this until you are settled and peaceful. Then simply sit. Acknowledging that the room you are inhabiting, the couch you are sitting on, the candle you are looking at, is a direct, unified, manifestation of the divine essence that is all things.

3) Just sit.

Thoughts may still rise and fall, but ignore them.  Let go of the sense that for you to experience the divine presence directly, you need to have fabulous visions, or see the future, or feel ecstasy. Remember, real love is unconditional. Love the divine as it is revealing itself to you right now in this moment. That may be an empty room, or the darkness of your closed eyes, or the steadiness of your breath, or the sunshine reflecting of the house next door. Do not shun the divine presence, just because it is appearing as it always has, normally, and openly.  Look beyond appearances to the simplicity of the beingness in the moment.

This is why so many people fail to wake up or accept grace within their lives. They have a fairy tale of what it “should” look like. Love the divine for what it is, not for what you would like it to be. Wouldn’t you ask the same of anyone else? Don’t you want loved for what you are without any reservations, without having to put on a show, or having to act unnaturally? Why not show that same respect to the divine within and around you? Just as your heart would burst if you knew that kind of love, and you would smile from ear to ear, and your presence would radiate peace and warmth all around you, see how the divine presence responds in that same situation of unconditional love and acceptance.

Adapted from A Course in Tranquility Lesson 10, from the Author.